2/4/2024

(EMDR Session)

They say eyes are the window to the soul

I haven’t quite found myself yet…

The distance began yesterday

I have vague pieces, glimpses of memory

It’s black, blocked out

She asked me to be curious

I can’t single out a thought or feeling

They all came flooding in

My mouth became numb

My lips were gone, they still are

The state of nothing took over

Everything was slow and fast, all at once

I find myself in this daydream but have no control

Life feels like the dream

I walk over to the mirror

There is something about my eyes that scares me

I don’t feel scared but I think somewhere in me, it’s there

I don’t know who this women is

Why is she in my bathroom?

I wondered, “Is this what I look like?”

I surrendered to the curiosity

Her eyes stand out to me

There is something empty about them

Something heavy

I don’t know how eyes could look heavy

But hers did

They seemed worn, tired

Sad

This women is hiding something behind her eyes

I introduce myself, “hi”

The acoustics don’t match what I understand to be the limits of this space

I suppose I’m not the one speaking

The details of her eyes are extremely clear or blurry

There is no middle as the focus moves in and out

The rest of her seems like a movie prop

No depth, dimension

It’s flat, no life…

Her eyes are different and I keep watching

Maybe there is something she needs to say

Why I’ve spent so much time running from mirrors all my life seems so much clearer…