5/18/2023

The wound you left on my soul will forever remain

I’m trying to learn to live as it bleeds out

I can’t blame you for the things that have happened to you

Or even for the ways it affected you

I can only hold you accountable for how you didn’t shield me from you

I can try to blame you for the never-ending disappointment

The grief of loving a mother who couldn’t love herself enough to make it to me

But even as a little girl I knew

I knew you couldn’t

You just couldn’t love me the way I needed

Nor the way I believe you wanted to

I continued to pour into you

Even as I watched the sand slip through your fingers

I cannot stop loving you

I admit, I want to

I need to learn to stop pouring

I’m sorry for the pain your soul has endured in its lifetimes

If I could choose my next life

I’d choose to be your mother

I’d show you the meaning of love

I’d teach you kindness and patience

I’d brush your hair and sing you to sleep

I’d ease you with my embrace

I’d pour into you

Every drop with pure intention

And you’d never have to question…

Never… ever have to question my love

I’d give you space to learn and grow

But always ready to step in to remind you,

You have never nor will ever be alone in this world…