5/23/2024

When I think about love I get two very conflicting feelings

Both equally as intense

I think of love in the ways I think about the ocean

A brief passing thought, is just above the surface

Distant enough to miss all of its flaws

But close enough to take in the joy of its beauty

If I think of it too long, I become terrified of it’s depths

I fear all the things that hide underneath the surface

I’ve always loved being in the water

As a little girl I imagined what my life could be like if I was just a plain old fish

How simple and free it could feel to have the whole ocean

I’ve always sought out water for it’s cleansing properties

Something about it always makes me feel a little less messy

A little less dirty…

I would swim out as far as my little legs could get me

Far enough to not hear the people by the shore

For a moment, it’d find silence

I could float and disappear

Pretend that I was a plain old fish

Then the intrusive thought would enter

“What’s beneath me?”

Curiosity would lead me to think of all the things I’ve read in books about marine life

Suddenly, I’d feel exposed, vulnerable, even under attack

I’d lose contact with its beauty and frantically swim back to the shore

But once I’d get there I’d feel the ocean calling back

The waves hitting my feet, pushing and pulling

Even with this fear, I desire to be consumed by it

If I could love the wrong person so deeply…

Imagine if I found the right one?