9/14/2023

Every time he texts me, I’m consumed with LOVE

Some times I’m not a very good texter

And he surely isn’t either

But like clockwork we find our way back to each other

He fills me with love I cannot not explain

And cannot compare

I stayed for him

It’s always been for him

I’d never tell him that

Not that directly at least

Because if I ever lost the battle, I know he’d only wonder why

Why he no longer was enough

He’s always been enough

He always will be

Leaving him was hard

We had several conversations about it to prepare him for the move

If I’m honest, maybe they were primarily for me

I needed to know he was ok and was going to continue to be ok

I needed his permission to only care for myself

I don’t regret the last 17 years even the slightest

I’m appreciative and proud of the role I have in his life

I’ve invalidated my importance for most of it

I believed my role was small

Only in the last few years have I started to own I’m a good mother

But when he texts me…

I truly feel it

He doesn’t hold back in expressing his love and appreciation

He feels safe and seen with me

It’s all I ever wanted for him

He needed to know he wasn’t and would never be alone

He’s growing up and into an amazing human being

Our relationship has to shift, it has to change

I love it and I hate it

My baby is growing up

I’m a grieving mother

Learning to let go

But I’ll always make sure he knows I’m never far behind