9/20/2024
I did not survive what I survived
to simply be grateful…
When I look at him
I remember all that matters
—————
You’ve changed my life since the day you were born
Without you, I wouldn’t be the women I am today
You challenged me in ways no one else could
It took all of me to give you all my good
Believe me when I say it was so much to sort through
All I have ever wanted was for you to be loved
To be seen and supported, just as you are
To be a kid…
People always tell me I don’t know what it’s like
To be a mother…
To worry every day about how the world treats the best part of you
And I can’t say whether that‘s right or wrong
But you taught me to be a mother…
It has been the greatest privilege of of my life
To only be apart of yours
I had spent years wondering why I never had the urge
Why it never happened for me…
I tossed it into the pile of things “wrong with me”
But when they rolled you out
I realized you were going to be the best part
Of me…
And I think this is exactly what my motherhood was meant to be
I have done my best to give you every ounce of good in me
To shield you from the things that plague me
And I know I’m not great it at it
And it’s okay to be angry or disappointed in the ways I show up
It’s okay to see me as anything but perfect
Because amor, I’m not…
You will forever be the best part of me
And not for anything that you do
But simply for existing
Just as you are…
And I promise, you can’t fuck that up
In loving and mothering you
I learned all the things I’ve needed
I’ve understood all the love I’ve lacked
And how easy it was to feel, give…
You’re growing now
And things are changing
As they should
But baby, I promise-in the end
It will always be me and you
There is nothing you can do or say
That will ever get me to forget
All the amazing ways you make me feel-
A mother
You are becoming my best friend
And it honestly, terrifies me
I should not be your mentor
I should not be your idol
I should not be your hero
And I can’t understand why you’d grant me such a title
I have loved you long before you were here
And I will love you far beyond those limits
