10/19/2023

People often ask, "What would you have told your younger self? What would you say?"

I don't think there is anything I could of told Her

There isn't anything I could say

I'm not sure if even showing Her who I am could help

This version of me can see things are different

But this version of me also understands that it doesn't diminish the reality of having to live through what She did

I wouldn't want to invalidate that

I suppose that I would just join Her

I'd stop running for a moment to sit with Her

Not to say anything

Not to teach or demonstrate something

I'd witness the suffering of Her experience

And for someone as lonely as She…

It might just be enough…

-.-

Versions of Her sit in front of me

Which version in my timeline is needed in response?

It isn’t really a decision

I'm becoming aware of the ways She enters

Without Her, there is no me

Without Her, I cannot meet others

-.-

The discomfort was rising

Insecurities wrapped up in anger

I couldn't formulate a thought

Not even an emotion

I was distant

Not because I wanted to be

Nor of their doing

But yet, there was a disconnect

I felt pulled from the circle

I struggled pulling myself back

Scanning my mind for the thoughts and emotions

Those that would pull me back into their worlds

And maybe that's just it

I cannot speak to something I've never lived

No matter how common

I couldn't fake it