10/22/2023

(EMDR Session)

I was found in a dumpster in the back of a shitty McDonalds on Beach

My real mother didn’t want me

My skin was stained from the garbage

My legs are shaking, trembling beyond control

I can’t place the patterns or rhythm

The intensity fluctuates

There’s rocking motions up and down

Then one thigh jumps up

The other follows

They open and close like wings on a butterfly

The source of this is deep

Vibrating my upper body

When she prompts me to speak, my voice breaks through the convulsions

It’s then when I notice my breathing is impacted

I can’t find the emotion

I don’t think is panic

This feels different but also familiar

The ball stops

We’re going to tap now

I begin my attempts at connecting with my thighs

The shaking is erratic

My thighs come up to meet my hands before my hands can come down

My face grows numb

I feel it in my cheeks a lot

They’re dead

My legs give in

They feel tired

Very heavy and tired

No emotion, just energy