10/5/2023

“What if I never get my love reciprocated

Born to be the one

Forced to be, the one that never actually dated

And I think I’m a broken record

That every time that I flip

There is no other side

Just some smart ass funny quip

That doesn’t show how upset I am about it

I’m not funny

It’s just a trauma response

What if all I’m gifted

Is somebody’s half hearted nonchalance

I don’t feel rejected

I feel ugly

I feel like I’m not enough

I feel like no matter what happens

I have to suck it up

And be tough

That the grades are never perfect

The photos are never good

That I keep trying to love myself

Just to convince myself that

Somebody else actually could

And the better I get

Sometimes the worse that I feel

Because what if I never get to your

Expectation of what it means to full heal

And I just keep getting older

And each year

It feels like a heavier weight

I keep distracting myself with other hobbies

Like love is an appetite to satiate

I’m not sad about it

I’m just disappointed that I’m still not there

Do you think people feel it

When you include them in a prayer?

What if I never know it?

Not truly

The nausea ensues

If love is an alarm

Why do they just keep hitting snooze?

Because isn’t the dream worth living?

What if I never get…

To know the reality,

Of who I could of met?”

CC