10/8/2023

I imagine She sits across from me

Her eyes are scanning my face

She's looking for my decrement 

I look to the floor

She fills the room with Her uneasiness

With insecurities and doubt

"I'm stuck", I tell Her

I'm trying to make the best choice 

I'm hoping I do

And I'm now more aware of how it impacts Her

The pressure is too much

I can only imagine Her hands

This is the only clear image ever

They're containing themselves 

And I think, "This is wrong"

But in this moment I do not trust Her hands to be safe in mine

And I don't think She does either

We don't reach for one another

We sit in silence

In the stuckness

Both relying on me to keep us safe

I'm lost in Her hands when she speaks

"You're going to leave me for him?"

It's a question

But also a statement 

It's history 

I notice the importance of the question and my inability to have a clear response

I feel it coming

The rage begins to rise

It begins to set me on fire

It spreads when I think...

"Is this flame meant for me, for us?"

I'm not safe

I'm not clear

Yet I'm the best chance

I'm the only option

I reach for her

Unsure of my ability to listen

To find courage 

To learn