11/7/2023

11/3

Attempting to articulate these stories feels like I'm navigating through landmines 

One wrong step and... I'm not sure what

But it feels wrong

It feels uncomfortable

It feels new

The sooner I start, the sooner I'm on the other side

I have no idea what's on the other end of this trip

But it must be better than here

At the very least new

I need new

I'm sitting on the train now

I search for the courage

Turn to the window

Let the movie play

It's New Years Eve

We worked

A lot of homes are empty 

People gather together under one roof

The fireworks in the area are loud

Highly illegal but beautiful

I feel them shake the walls as I walk through the front door

The air is mostly sulfur at this point

I quickly scan the living room

The couch is backed up against the wall leading to outside world

I align my spine with it

This always eases my anxiety in new spaces

He locks the door

We're in a bad neighborhood

But when he locks the extra latch I'm heightened

I recognize the smell

I'm frozen

The images vary in clarity

His initial attempts lead me to seek space

I head for the door

My leg is caught on something

Throws my balance off and leads me to the floor

A fight erupts

I collect wood polish under my nails as I reach for the outside world

I find a way to get my legs under me

I got one lock undone

As I work on the second he fuses the door to it's frame

A sharp pain shoots up my nose and behind my eyes

I'm swallowed

I continue my attempts

Reaching for all that I can but my feet don't even reach the floor

The coldness of the room invades my body before he does

11/7

I jammed the tape

Maybe this part doesn't need to be watched

Maybe I'm not ready to

It lives in memories

In all 5 senses

In every cell

Not yet...