3/5/2023

The authentic and fearless love I give away…

I deny Her access.

I withhold. I neglect. I abandon Her.

I don’t know where I found it- Love.

It should be gone. Empty. Justifiably so.

But I can access it. I can feel it and give it to others.

I wonder how much more pain I have caused Her as She watches me give it away to people who don’t know it’s worth…

To people who can’t understand how extraordinary its existence is

I give this gift away.

She watches me run from Her into the arms of people who can’t see me, can’t see Her.

I seek to be seen.

I desire it more than anything but I hide the parts that need to be seen.

There’s nothing poetic about it.

There is no way to twist the ugly and messy into beauty.

It just is, heavy, dark, messy parts of me.

I don’t need you to see the beauty in this.

Know that this darkness in my mind and soul is a void of something once stolen long ago.

What was stolen and what is left is irrelevant.

Maybe, just maybe, the ember is worth the heaviness of Her pain.