4/27/2023

“I contemplate texting you

I sometimes miss your charm

You’d say something about how the stars

Have been looking like the freckles on my arm

Or how you thought about me

That’s always nice to hear

How I’m the first thought you have after downing each beer

How you considered reaching out

How you didn’t know what to say

How you remembered and then forgot

To speak to me each day

I contemplate your actions

The meaning in your eyes

How your “unintentional” silence

Cause a multitude of lies

Or whole reflection of truths

I honestly don’t know which is worse

You hit the gas

But our car is stuck in reverse

I tell you to be careful

But You don’t like looking back

I bring up responsibility

“But you really need to start cutting me some slack!”

You don’t understand

This mentality puts us in danger

You played with my heart when you could have just stayed a stranger

I’m reaching for the break

I don’t care to be understood

And when the car suddenly stops

You ask, “so are we still good?”

-Celia

My eyes are flooded. It starts in my chest and rises like a wave. The strongest wave of loving grief. I can’t make my heart stop loving. I can’t reset or reboot. It envelops me. The love wasn’t lost. I don’t grieve losing love because mine exists within me. I grieve the loss of something I once thought I understood. I once knew, you.

There is a space you have left in my life. I hadn’t realized how loud the echo in here would be. I’m wounded and perhaps this will always be my loving wound.