2/6/2019

Words. Words.

Words on a page.

What the fuck am I suppose to say?

1/24/2019

My eyes were a mirror he refused to face

My voice was the sound of truth

And my strength was the wrath he dare not wake

He feared these things and I did too

1/24/2019

This man left a dark monster inside me

He came back often to feed him

1/24/2019

I can give you advice about addictions. Not because I’ve read about it in books. I know because there’s a hole in my soul I’ve been trying to fill.

1/23/2019

“The roses have wilted

The violets are dead

The demons run circles

Round and round in my head”

1/13/2019

Please don’t leave me alone

I’m afraid of the monster waking

And I’m afraid of what he will say

Please help me put him to sleep

1/12/2019

I know you really hate me

The monster tells me so

I’ve died many times

Not the kind you want

But I’ve tried those before

11/20…

I’m not strong like you say

Not in this life time or the next

1/12/2019

This house just isn’t right

No since the burglaries at night

The lights are on but no one’s home

It’s not right

They break in and take what they need

So the house is left empty

Like me…

1/12/2019

How do you heal a wound you cannot see?

This monster is coming up from inside of me

Whether it’s a curse I’m doomed to carry

Or a story I can’t quiet burry

1/12/2019

I don’t know who I am because I’ve been a play all my life

I made sure to do them right

I see things you can’t

And I wanted to take care of that

So I hide my soul and at the very least

Hold my own

I’ve neglected the monsters inside me

The thing that sleeps in me

It’s killing me

Quiet honestly, from inside out

If you don’t let it take its course

It’ll make you a corpse

So when you let our frustration out of me

Remember, I no longer wear a mask

I’m no longer in the play

The hurtful things you say

Go straight into my veins

The thing that sleeps in me will dig a deeper hole

And tell me to come home

I always tell it no

But I know one day I wont

1/12/2019

You only love me when I’m strong

You’ll only love me when I’m gone

1/12/2019

I put on the play to hide the great big hole

I let out behind any unlocked door

1/11/2019

November 14, 2017

it wont stop

1/10/2019

The lies I tell you are the same ones I tell myself

Help

I can’t put this play on forever

I’m ripping at the seams

Help

12/25/2018

There are a dozen TV’s on at once

They’re not on the same channel

Thoughts, memories, fears

They all play out of these screens on high volume

No one hears it but me

They play over my voice

They break my concentration

They deminish my stride

And weaken my spirit

I call out for help

But no one else hears it but me

12/25/2018

My wrists are stained

It’s the only option I see

This armor is glued to me

The war is over

But I’m convinced in this life,

The armor doesn’t come off

12/22/2018

What’s the point of being here anyways?

Someone explain what the point of being alive is.

12/10/2018

It’s more frequent than I’d like to admit

It’s something I can’t bare to say out loud

I fear the demons that sleep in me

12/10/2018

They broke my heart

Far worse than any man ever had

The stigma they attached to me…

The way I was treated…

It’s all heartbreaking

My pain fueled the hope

Hoping I had a purpose here

But I was denied entry

Instead of seeing my strength, they saw my weakness

They belittled my progress

They ignored my will and success

They invalidated my story

They nor he will ever understand what they took from me

12/10/2018

The painful realization of it hits me like whiskey on an empty stomach

It’s like a big rig smashing through my body

Taking my soul for display on it’s grill

When did it start?

When did I start to loose control?

I lost it before I could admit to losing it

I needed it at 6am

At lunch, afternoons…

The pain won’t drown

They learned to swim and they’ve multiplied