3/18/2019

There is nothing poetic about healing

You loose time

It isn’t linear

The mess is overwhelming

We like to divide our days into good and bad

Was today good or was it bad?

Was it productive or not?

Is it fixed? Probably not

But what about the days of variation in the middle…

Neither here nor there

Some days serve as merely a means to the next day

In those days there is no victory but there is also no loss

It is a bridge meant to get you through one more day

3/12/2019

The story won’t die

It’s alive in me

It’s taking breaths

It’s coming

March 2019

“So, what’s next?” They’ll ask

“I heal, I grow, and I help others”

It’s hard to write down all my truths

I won’t read them again, but I don’t want anyone else to either

March 2019

Your hands sometimes scare me

Remember to always be gentle

The moment you aren’t or I believe you won’t be

Will be the end of it

I don’t often want to be touched

In my mind there will always be unwanted hands exploring

March 2019

The demon calls out for me

It’s hungry

How do I silence it

Without drowning it?

2/26/2019

I have spent my life slowly injecting poison into my blood stream. Now, I’m in this hospital bed overdosing from it all. It’s going to take time to flush it out.

2/18/2019

Write them down.

Write. them. down.

2/16/2019

Second surgery

Trapped. Pain.

Sometimes it feels like I’m not really here.

I don’t know where I am, but it isn’t here.

2/6/2019

Words. Words.

Words on a page.

What the fuck am I suppose to say?

1/24/2019

My eyes were a mirror he refused to face

My voice was the sound of truth

And my strength was the wrath he dare not wake

He feared these things and I did too

1/24/2019

This man left a dark monster inside me

He came back often to feed him

1/24/2019

I can give you advice about addictions. Not because I’ve read about it in books. I know because there’s a hole in my soul I’ve been trying to fill.

1/23/2019

“The roses have wilted

The violets are dead

The demons run circles

Round and round in my head”

1/13/2019

Please don’t leave me alone

I’m afraid of the monster waking

And I’m afraid of what he will say

Please help me put him to sleep

1/12/2019

I know you really hate me

The monster tells me so

I’ve died many times

Not the kind you want

But I’ve tried those before

11/20…

I’m not strong like you say

Not in this life time or the next

1/12/2019

This house just isn’t right

No since the burglaries at night

The lights are on but no one’s home

It’s not right

They break in and take what they need

So the house is left empty

Like me…

1/12/2019

How do you heal a wound you cannot see?

This monster is coming up from inside of me

Whether it’s a curse I’m doomed to carry

Or a story I can’t quiet burry

1/12/2019

I don’t know who I am because I’ve been a play all my life

I made sure to do them right

I see things you can’t

And I wanted to take care of that

So I hide my soul and at the very least

Hold my own

I’ve neglected the monsters inside me

The thing that sleeps in me

It’s killing me

Quiet honestly, from inside out

If you don’t let it take its course

It’ll make you a corpse

So when you let our frustration out of me

Remember, I no longer wear a mask

I’m no longer in the play

The hurtful things you say

Go straight into my veins

The thing that sleeps in me will dig a deeper hole

And tell me to come home

I always tell it no

But I know one day I wont

1/12/2019

You only love me when I’m strong

You’ll only love me when I’m gone

1/12/2019

I put on the play to hide the great big hole

I let out behind any unlocked door