5/7/2023 Happy Trees

As you know, I’m always focused on the hotdog.

Sometimes, no- often I miss the life occurring around me.

I’m blinded by the drive to survive and I can’t stop.

You understand that.

I miscalibrated the connection I have to you.

I’ve been reflecting on the relationships in my life.

I dissect the origin and progression of these connections.

Trust is a deeply wounded function of mine.

Yet, sometimes I can gamble with it.

I suppose it’s not much of a gamble in this sense.

There’s this circle I’ve created along the way.

The trust I have in these connections is unreal.

Least for me.

I don’t know what 100% trust looks like for me or if I have access to it.

But this circle contains whatever highest access I have to offer.

As I reflect on the progression, there is not a singular identifiable event.

Not one definitive piece of evidence that drives me to hand over the ticket.

This is why it’s not a gamble. Not with some people.

Not with you.

It’s a sense.

It’s a deep knowing and feeling.

I believe in soul connections.

Connections established eons ago.

It’s not a gamble to trust in a connection like this.

I only need to be brave enough to speak fear into the room.

Willing enough to acknowledge I have recognized you.

I’m an art museum of stories.

Achingly smeared across the walls.

I keep the ugly, messy parts of me in forbidden exhibits.

They crowd the halls.

I’ve shown you glimpses.

I’ve given you pieces.

Things I deny others access to.

This darkness would consume them, but not you.

You reflect it back at me.

Something about this feels safe and familiar.

Profoundly dark but safe.

All this to say, three big words.

I trust you.