6/19/2024
I’ve been invisible all my life
Being visible never resulted in anything positive…
It’s been safer to blend in with my shadow
Catching someone’s attention was misery
Till this day, if someone looks at me for a millisecond too long
It feels like my skin in shrinking
Like all my insides are about to be evicted
If I could, I’d walk through life with my back up against walls
Walls hold me up straight
They keep me steady when my knees get weak
There’s comfort in being invisible
It’s safe, and familiar
However, it does come with it’s faults
Being invisible means being overlooked
It means being underestimated in more ways than one
It means having to fight harder to prove myself
And when others find it to be, “a big deal” …
For someone “like me”-I only want to retreat
Back into the safety of my shadow
I’ve lingered in the spaces of average
Teachers never saw me as the smart kid
Counselors had long given up on any potential
Bullies miscalculated the weight of my punches
I’ve never been the prettiest girl in a room
There was never anything really exceptional about me
I’ve benefitted from their errors in judgement
It allowed me to recklessly do as I pleased
No one would miss me if I ditched class
No one’s dusty son was trying to catch my attention at parties
No one expected anything more than what I was I doing-destroying myself…
There have been times I was fooled into thinking things could be different
A spark of hope would lead me to believe that someone could see me
Like actually see me
I’m ashamed to admit there’s a part of me that wonders
That’s curious about would it’d be like to be like to exist in that world
To be accepted and appreciated
To be loved in all my average-ness
To be anything, but invisible to just one person
And to them, I could be exceptional
I could be anything
I wouldn’t be underestimated or overlooked
The parts of me that’ve been deprived could be filled with just a look
It would be like winning the lottery
But then, I remember the odds
Being average doesn’t get you the winning ticket
