8/15/2024

I’ve always thought I had a bad memory

Sometimes I wish it was worse…

Bad enough to split off from me completely

Something about the words on the page rushes in the memory of my night

(Dream)

It’s a party

All my extended family is here

The crowd is loud and joyful

I’m however, unsettled

I’m obsessively scanning the room

Left to right, left to right

Left to ri- he walks in

All the air leaves my body

Leaving my muscles deflated and motionless

I can feel his anger

I broke the most important rule- say nothing

The world become muffled

I heard myself from a distance say, “I’m going to go”

Only one cousin hears me, “As you should”

The moment I muster up the strength to take a step…

The volume is turned up

There’s a sharp pain around my arm

His rage infects me…

His face meets mine

The scent feels like shards of glass up my nostrils

Fear stops my heart

I choose death…

I wake up exhausted once again

Returning to a body that doesn’t feel mine

Inheriting a body that seems to have just climbed Mount Everest

And I had nothing to do with it

I’m hot, I’m cold

I’m drenched

Tonight I’m too pissed to change my shirt

I peel off the t-shirt and toss it across the room

I try not to but I cry myself to completion…