7/13/2017
(Dream)
It was about him. I was in my room but the set up was different. I had my bed that way years ago. He was on top of me. I disappeared in my head. Out of my body and I was overcome with shame for giving up. Giving up on the life I wanted. I feel nothing but I’m crying. He’s yelling at me. I awake.
My skin is flaring up.
7/8/2017
It was an attempt to distract myself. My nightmares have been so bad. I get maybe 3 hours of broken sleep a night. I’m a mess. I hate myself. The crying never seems to stop. I make a mess of it all the time because I hate the messy parts of myself. I’m tired of this feeling. I rather not feel. There’s something in my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t calm it.
7/3/2017
He’s here
I went to sleep to relax
I heard him
He was in the house
I pretended to keep sleeping like I always did
He came into my room and I felt I’d explode
My otherwise sweet dog was growling
He approached me to try and wake me but my dog stood in front of me
He tried to pick him up and he tried to bite
He chased him out the room
He knows me. It’s like he knew exactly why he couldn’t be near me
My chest is tight. I’m so nauseous. Angry…
3/17/2017
(Dream)
I laid in a room full of beds, naked
I’m waiting for someone.
These friends come in, 4
Nothing is out of the ordinary
One of them gets in bed with me and as I speak, she touches my knee.
I pull away.
When I’m about to get up. I roll over over
She grabs my waist to kiss my back.
I pull away and pull her hands off
I ask what she’s doing
She laughs.
I get up and one of the girls doesn’t even look at me.
Says she didn’t hear me complaining.
The other agrees.
I’m bad. I liked it and wanted it.
I leave to another room. I begin to cry.
I hate myself so much